31 Flavors of Horror #23
Blood For Dracula
The flipside of Flesh for Frankenstein, this is the other Andy Warhol-produced nause- fest starring Udo Kier and Joe Dallesandro. As archly grand guignol and overly horny as Frankenstein, but this one is all about Kier, baby. From the long, opening closeup of his fine-boned face as he paints both it and his hair to give the appearance of health, and life, his Eurotrash Dracula is an epic camp creation. The tired, languid count here is a counterpoint to his manic Frankenstein, and those German "W"s make the word "virgin" a howler. He's whiny, a picky eater, and doesn't appreciate just about anything. He's too busy overacting his tummy aches and hunger pangs. See, these Wampires can only drink the blood of Wirgins, and since the world is so full of, well, sluts, he must abandon his fading sister and head from Romania for conservative, Catholic Italy, which will hopefully be brimming with the chaste.
(Okay, from here, stuff just gets yucky. You were warned...)
|The Di Fiore Sisters: These girls are not wirgins.|
Sadly, it's a good idea but seriously poor execution as where he lands is with the Di Fiore family, a clan that's all titles, pretensions and land but seriously lacking in cash. They're very willing to try and offer up any of their four bratty, supposedly unsullied daughters in marriage to the Count. However, communist alpha-male Mario (Dallesandro) got there first. You'd pick the burly, butch farmhand over the annoying, wimpy Count any day. This was made immediately after Flesh for Frankenstein, and I swear his acting is a smidgen better in this one. Dallesandro is easy on the eyes, and his hair is perfect. Sisters Saphiria and Rubinia even tag-team him( (Though Rubinia's solo romp with Mario is hilarious. There's little worse than poorly simulated sex, add a pool and they'd be Showgirls)
|This wampire needs Pepcid. Slut Pepcid.|
Arno Juering plays the Count's assistant, Anton and is just as madly oddball as he was as Otto in Flesh for Frankenstein. His bitchy efficiency reminds one of an evil Waylon Smithers. He's an insane delight, especially in a bar scene where he plays "the mirror game" with Roman Polanski in an uncredited cameo as a farmhand.
|If you could see how funny you look...|
|I'm not overacting! I'm NOT!|
Things start moving quick in the last fifteen minutes in one big, hot mess of death, lesbian incest, rape, bourgeois bad manners and bad acting - and here is where I just say take the time to sit through this wonderfully overblown camp monster. The gore at the end is on par with that in Flesh for Frankenstein... and, evidently, wampires don't hurt when you chop parts of them off. It's all worth it if for no other reason than to be mesmerized by the over-the-top camp.
No one will ever give us Eurotrash ennui like Udo Kier.