I think what I like more than my compact, rational reviews are the pieces like this... where I just watch a movie and comment on the proceedings in a generally snark-filled manner. The trashier the cinema, the more I enjoy myself when I'm doing it. And believest thou me, The Friday the 13th series is a delicious, campy (ha- see what I did there) treat. Yesterday's flavor was all boobs and blood, but this is more people who act like boobs at "Camp Blood"...but with superpowers thrown in. Just for funsies. My dates with my main-machete-man, my eye-poppin' squeeze, Jason V., are settling into a comfortable rhythm at this point. Is the romance dead? Keep reading and find out.
Bonus: I've had some trouble deciding if I should use the roman numeral conceit in the titles of these films. I hadn't yet, and really, the original movies didn't really start using them until number six, or VI. So, from here on out, I'm going to use the roman numerals. It only applies to this and the next one, but what the hey? Tradition!
31 Flavors of Horror #20:
Friday the 13th, Part VII: The New Blood
Oh, Paramount? Why must you shamefully whore out my sweetie so? At a seventh Friday night date I think it's fair to say we're going steady, but you work him to the bone. He brings you money and you treat him like the red-headed stepchild.Sigh.
Seven opens with a montage and a little narration just to let us know that he's an unstoppable zombie-killer in-the-woods who'll take out anyone who shows up in his path, heavily weighted to clips from Part Six. Ki-ki-ki, ma-ma-ma, yeah-yeah-yeah big deal. This time he's bringing the Kane Hodder-y goodness and his hussy psychic gal pal along, so it should be a memorable evening.
This is the one that got nicknamed "Jason Vs. Carrie," after all. So first off, we get the establishing shot of Jason still anchored in the lake. He's either drifted or a lot of time has passed because not only has he changed outfits and gotten wrapped up in some vines, but he's now anchored in front of a somewhat rundown house instead of the reformed "Camp Slaughterteens." It's not going to be easy to suspend disbelief here. Telekinesis I'll give you. Unstoppable zombie killers, fine. Put 'em together, I'll go with it. Simple continuity and geography errors... and, oddly, it's a bit of a stretch.
(Spoilers, and general bitchcraft ahead)
