31 Flavors of Horror #31: Jason X

Oh, my darlings, it's that day. October 31st. Halloween. The last entry in my interminable daily slog through horror movies, both good (ahem) and bad for the year. For this final entry in the 31 Flavors of Horror (and yes, I'm just as done with the name for the year as you are, faithful reader), I had no choice but to wrap it up with one last call on my machete-totin' main squeeze... 

I first saw this in theaters when it came out in 2001, making this the X anniversary of number X, no less. It was a sparsely attended matinee, but I still found the movie to be a helluva lot of fun. Does it hold up? Let's find out!

31 Flavors of Horror #31:
Jason X

So here we are, with that last trip to the well before that buttinsky Freddy shows up and then you have to go and reboot with that twink from Supernatural (which, yes, I do secretly watch, obsess, and dwell over, why do you ask?). You've been with me now through nine other entries and damn if our relationship hasn't grown. I met your mother, put up with a certain prude (kaff *Part 3* kaff), put up with stand-ins, your Carrie phase, and went on a road trip with you. Now here we are, at the end of our long and lovely courtship... and you have to go and jet off somewhere new...

...like Hell. This excursion to the very dry well opens in a (now seemingly old school) Hell inside the very crust brain of Jason V. He's being shot up wit hchemicals as there's some serious science going on in this flick. Turns out Jason's quite trussed up and held captive at the "Crystal Lake Research Facility" and they're going to freeze him. It's not quite clear what they're researching, or why they'd want to freeze this psycho... or how he got from Hell at the end of the last flick to here. Also, at some point he grew a different head of hair, got a new mask and a smart look in his eye.

Of all the people to show up, the last one you'd expect is film director David Cronenberg. His Dr. Wimmer is here to yank Jason from Dr. Rowan (Lexa Doig), the obligatory hot science chick, in order to study Jason's ability to keep coming back time and again. It's sequelitis, not biology.

(Sci-Fi cliches abound ahead... and, I use the term "nipplemaster")

The Yucky Movies of October, sidetracked: Friday the 13th: The Series, Season One

28) Friday The 13th: The Series

This show was a well-remembered Saturday afternoon TV creep-fest for me as a kid. Being that it premiered in 1987, I'm dating myself, but there was really nothing like it on TV during my formative years.

Especially well-remembered are a few of the antiques from shows in the first season. I remembered the Scarecrow as I think it was the first time I ever saw a beheading bit in a horror program, and a weird chair with needles that would tap and exchange spinal fluid between two people (I vividly remember watching this one on tape and then an episode of Just The Ten of Us. God, what a wasted childhood.)

I'm happy to say the show holds up pretty well. Sure the effects are dated and the quality of the actual episodes vary in storyline and look, but a good time is had by all. Every week, cousins Ryan and Micki would team with the older Jack, more experienced in the ways of the occult, and try to track down antiques their uncle had sold on behalf of the devil. Each one had a unique curse and what I consider to be a pretty impressive body count. They really blow Supernatural out of the water week after week in that department. Evil porcelain dolls, cursed comic books, cradles of filth (couldn't resist), and uncomforting quilts keep getting the trio of leads into situations that would lead to prison terms just based on the circumstantial evidence time and time again.

The shows isn't great, but each episode is a pretty decent time-capsule of 1980s Canadian syndicated television production. Robey's hair (ah, Robey, why do you forsake us?) alone is worth a view. Sprayed into ringlets, brushed out, pulled into something that's more construct than ponytail, her hairstyles vary as often as Mrs. Slocombe's do on Are You Being Served? (She also gets to be a lovely 29 year old actress who's beautiful and still has lines around her eyes. No one has expressions on TV anymore...)

The characters actually seem to grow a little over the course of the series, though most episodes could be watched in any order. Micki especially gets to be fearful and squeamish but still face that and get the work done. Most characters now are just cocky in the face of danger without conveying any real fear. She's not afraid to be afraid, and sure starts the series out as a helpless "Screaming Mimi." The characters remember that people are dying around them and show a sense of loss and stakes to what's going on. It's a surprisingly good content for what is, admittedly, a cheeseball show. That made it all the more entertaining to discover episodes directed by David Cronenberg and Atom Egoyan in the series. If you like this sort of anthology program you can't go wrong by picking these up, they're sturdy and still make for a good watch... all these (aak- 22?!?!) years later.

Final thought: I just don't understand why anyone would live in that incredibly smokey, dusty store... much less who would shop there. Seriously, there's a constant miasma floating around. That can NOT be healthy...