...the people in your neighborhood...

So my neighbors have added a lovely new set of patio furniture to their outdoor seating area...

Or rather, a broken down, upended sleeper sofa, full laundry hamper, and oil change pan have been dumped next to a dead guys car that's been sitting there for 6 months and now was weeds growing up into it...

Seriously, I don't know what to do. These aren't exactly the kinda neighbors I have a relationship with. Rather their the ones I call the cops on when they're having knock-down, drag-out screaming fights at 2 AM.

On Sunday I have an open house. Trying to sell the damn thing. I don't need this ghetto-UNfabulous horse shit going on... I'm not sure how to address it though. Do I have any recourse instead of walking over and whimpering "um, could you please do something about the couch?"

Is there a Real Estate "Ann Landers?"

I don't think there's any advice columnist or etiquette expert appropriate for this question, so I'll just throws it out there.

Is it a violation of the spirit of full disclosure about the house if I fail to mention that my neighbors include a couple of White Trasholes who have screaming fights at 1AM peppered with my street's favorite law-breaker, KeptBoy,* shouting "Motherfucker" and "I'm done with you" and BabyMama* sobbing "Don't you touch me again," which means you have to get up and call the cops because a crying woman is implying she's been manhandled in some way. There was also some very dramatic "Leap out of the truck while he's backing out of their flippin' driveway at what sure sounds like 60 mph" action.

Of course, I called the cops. I'm not going out there. Too many other anecdotes ago I decided this would not be a good idea. I think it was the first drunken fistfight KeptBoy had with his friends... no, it wasn't the fistfight it was the recent gunfire that my neighbor Troy swears he heard on one of the last big "Fight Nights," so unless you're armed you wouldn't have gone out either. I don't have to be proud of not physically intervening, but I didn't.

After re-reading all that, I know what you're thinking... "Why would he possibly want to sell his house on this bucolic-sounding street? Why, it's a little wedge out of a tasty Apple Pie of pure Americana!"

Yet I do. I do.

*the names "KeptBoy" and "BabyMama" can be explained another time.